Willpower

I was sitting on the couch today...no, I think it was when I was peeing, but anyways I was thinking about the crazy willpower I have. I don't want to brag, I don't want to say God necessarily favors me, but I will go so far as to say, when I created I definitely rolled a high willpower, easily in the ballpark of a 16, maybe even a perfect 18. And who knows what racial modifiers I have, but I think my belt gives a +1.

Now, I don't have my character sheet, (I know, I know, this reference is getting worn out, especially since a majority of my readers, I'm going to venture a guess of 73%, aren't going to get it at all) but I think the proof of unearthly willpower is in my life pudding, so to speak. When thinking about writing this post, I hesitated because I didn't know if I could come up with some relevant examples, but it turns out I easily came up with a ton, if I've got my measurements right. Most inconveniently, it seems that some of my relevant examples have fled me. Oh! Shit, they're coming back. I think my willpower is fairly evident in my self-control. Whoa! I swear just as I was writing the word "self-control", Pink (the singer?) said "self-control".

We'll start with the example of girls, since it's the one I want to talk about the least. So far, my willpower has allowed me to get over girls, on more than two occasions, hopefully it's an attribute (more references) that will stick with me, because it's not the last time I'll probably need it. Anyways, that was boring.

I can also hold my breath for 2:20. That's a long time, I don't know when the last time you've timed how long you could hold your breath. Do it right now, right click your time in the lower-right and click Adjust Date/Time. Let me know if you get more than 30 seconds on the first try. It doesn't get harder on a linear scale, that shit gets exponentially harder (maybe .5x^2) as the time goes on. 2:20 is a long time. I did it after some practice and building up in perhaps the most boring class of all time. I spent the whole semester hating ISS 315: Globalization until near the end when our professor (Jean Kayitsinga), a Rwandan told us that his whole family was killed in the Genocide. Then I felt like a dick. Anyways, it was still boring. I perfected my breath-holding technique with minutes upon minutes of intense training, mixing methods I developed and Buddhist meditation practices. I couldn't have done it without the constant taunting of my willpower (taunting is the best way it effects me I believe): "Fuck you, hold your fucking breath you piece of shit. No, I know what you're thinking, I'm in your brain, right next to the part that tells you to breathe, I'll kill this mother fucker if you exhale right now." My willpower has a very strong personality.

More impressive evidence of my willpower, and the willpower of Catholics around the world is Lent. I know that more than just Catholics "do Lent" which I have to disagree with. There's more to Lent than giving up stuff, it's sorta how I feel about non-Christians celebrating Christmas. I think it's bunk. Sure, it's good --even necessary-- for the economy, but I still feel like non-Christians are reaping the benefits of Christians work as being Christians. It's not all presents for the rest of us, we've got to be all good and shit, and help others and whatnot. But, the goal of this blog isn't to be all preachy. In fact I want to avoid talking about religion if possible. It's a large part of my life, but other people talk about religion enough that I don't have to. Anyways, Lent, (I'm just talking about the giving-stuff-up part, not the other religious observances that co-occur with it.) is a testament to the willpower of Catholics everywhere who can successfully give something up for the full 46 days (look it up. Sundays count). For everyone who's tried, you know! it's tough. Oh man, I want to eat that candy bar. Give me that milkshake, fuck my sacrifices. No though, people succeed. I have, you have, your mom has (burn?). Again, not to brag, but last year for Lent, I made a huge sacrifice. I gave up masturbation. That's right, no self-servicing for 46 days. Imagine it! I don't even have to, I can remember. It's hard, but damn, a natural 18 +1 made it much easier and much more possible. That's what a +3 or 4 modifier on all saving throws? So cool, I can do that.

Crap, I had this plan to give my four examples in that certain order, writing more and more about each example, but I didn't expect to write so much about Lent. Let's just move on. This last one, I'm the most proud of. It's of least significant use to me, has no practical applications, doesn't really impress other people but still I think it's the best proof of my Force-like willpower. I mean really: Force-like. If I were a Jedi, my best power would be Mind Trick or Force Persuasion, and I'd be most resistant to those attacks from a Sith or other dark Jedi. The clearest evidence of my willpower is the fact that I can will away the hiccups. You read that right. Alarmingly amazing, I know! One day, about a year ago, I had the hiccups. Everyone's had them, annoying to you, annoying to others, and let's face it, sometimes painful! I know you've had the hiccups for so long, or for so hard that it eventually hurts. These hiccups sucked. I think I was in the car. I had them for a good 5 minutes or so and I was getting fed up. I think I get that from my dad. He's the only person I know that will get literally angry when he sneezes more than 3 times. "Achoo! ugh, Achoo! (the second one is always higher pitched for some reason) ... [pause] Achoo! ... Achoo! God Dammit!" "Dad, relax, it's just sneezing." So these hiccups were getting on my nerves. I said, no fuck that. I'm sick of these hiccups. We've all heard the common remedies: hold your breath, drink a glass of water, do both at the same time, swallow a fuckload, hang up-side down (that might not be one). No way man! I'm not going to make a fool of myself. So I was like "Wait, I'm hardkorps, I'm in control of my body, it does what I tell it (I'd make a good Saiva Hindu)" So I decided I could will away my hiccups. I did. It takes concentration, but I can definitely do it. I still get to breathe (not that I have to, at least not for like 2 minutes), I don't have to drink some bullshit water or anything, I just gotta take control. At first I thought it was a fluke. Ok, maybe those hiccups just went away. So the next time, I tried it again. I was in the car again. Maybe it has to do with being in a car; the combination or something. But no, I've been consistently able to will away my hiccups ever since I learned that I could. It takes about a minute or less. I think this is pretty sweet, but really, again, the only thing this would be useful for, besides getting rid of an annoyance, is starting conversations. "Hey baby, guess what. I can will away the hiccups." Oh yeah, never mind (whoa, that's supposed to be two words), I'm not trying to meet girls anymore.

All right, time for bed.